Ten Simple Rules On Working For An Idiot... Rule # 4: Don't Be A Prick

As previously stated, idiots aren't always stupid. Sometimes they are simply pricks. Usually arrogant. Often with big egos and delusions of grandeur. They think they are smarter, more charming and better looking with whiter teeth, bigger boobs, nicer hair, better endowment or a tighter ass than their counterparts.

There are a number of people that I frequently interact with that are pricks. After great deliberation, calculation, and estimation, I've created the following five categories for ease of classification:

1. The "Snob" - Won't answer or return phone calls, texts, or e-mails from co-workers, friends or family - unless they need something. If they do answer or return your call, they are disengaged and make it painfully obvious that you are somehow interrupting their day and they don't have time for you.


2. The "Flash" - Here today, gone tomorrow. Focuses on the flavor of the day. This prick will be your best friend as long as you add immediate value and can help him achieve his next highest goal. Has no sense of building long-term mutually benefitting relationships.


3. The "Torpedo" - Sneaks around and takes shots at you without warning. These pricks are dangerous.


4. The "Strafer" - Flys in, takes a lot of shots with a gun that often doesn't shoot straight, and leaves quickly. The good news is that you can usually see them coming. The bad news is that they leave behind a big mess requiring a lot of work to clean up.


5. The "Bomber" - This prick enjoys breaking other people's stuff from a stand-off position. They're not particularly discriminating on what is being bombed - just whatever their bombsight happens to wander over. These are the types of pricks that kill initiative. They are also too often senior leaders.

Idiots often require that their subordinates be pricks. This is not necessary (see post dated 03/01/2010) and certainly not in your long-term best interest. When people reach out to you, reach back. Show interest. Get engaged. Maybe you'll learn something. If something isn't right, fix it but don't take shots at people just for the entertainment value.

A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Office This Year

Okay its been awhile since my last post. Because I have no other good excuse, I'm going to blame my kids for the extended absence - kids graduating, kids needing help on their houses, kids getting married, kids getting jobs, kids moving, kids, kids, kids... They are actually not kids anymore - the youngest is nearly 24!

But anyway, back to the funny stuff that happens in the workplace. Not to boast or anything, but in my 30 year career I find myself in the fortunate position of having direct line of sight into the senior-most ranks of the firm. Most of the time these cats are a bunch of boring, pompous jackasses. However, there is great entertainment value in listening to people rationalize how indispensable they are.

During the last six months I witnessed the following changes in the "C" suite:

• The Chief Executive Officer was fired by the Board of Directors and replaced by one of the board members.
• The President was fired and has not yet been replaced.
• The Chief Financial Officer resigned and has not yet been replaced.
• The Chief Operating Officer resigned after taking a month-long vacation to find himself and then a subsequent three-week paternaty leave. He has not yet been replaced.
• The Chief Risk Officer resigned and then after two months came back as a "temp." Last week I asked her about this and she replied that she only had 85 days left...
• The Chief Human Resources Officer was fired and replaced by a friend of the new Chief Executive Officer.
• The Chief Information Officer and the Chief Legal Counsel were both demoted and now report to the new Chief Administrative Officer who is also a friend of the new Chief Executive Officer.

Like wolves, corporate executives move in packs. When corporations replace their leaders, the new leaders almost certainly bring in their own people, and those people almost certainly bring in their own people. This filters down until at some point somebody figures out that its a good idea to keep the people that actually know how the company works. While no one is indispensable, keeping a few people around who know what they are doing is a good thing. I would like to think thats why I am still employed but that would put me in the same pompous jackass category...

In today's world, there is an alarming disconnect between executive leadership and the workings of the organizations they are charged with leading. These days, the occupants of the "C" suite rarely come from within. They are more likely installed by hedge fund investors or government agencies who have taken ownership of the company through hostile leveraged buy-outs or taxpayer funded bailouts.

My point in this particularly rambling blog is that in today's corporate jungle, it is okay to be a mercenary. Don't be afraid to change jobs. Today's leaders value breadth of experience more than depth. You will likely advance your career faster and make more money if you remain mobile.

Next week its back to "Ten Simple Rules On Working For An Idiot." I'm not sure yet what Rule #4 will cover...but this week there will be another executive resignation. Ought to be an interesting week...

Ten Simple Rules On Working For An Idiot... Rule # 3: Hold Back

They say information is power... However, misinformation is real power. There are few things more entertaining in the corporate management world than watching some up-and-coming hotshot mover-and-shaker type stake his or her credibility on bad information. While I would never take any satisfaction in someone else’s failure (see the “Be Nice To Others” entry from March 1, 2010), there is some justice to be enjoyed when an idiot gets what he or she deserves…

To be clear, I would never intentionally provide misinformation to a manager, peer or subordinate. That would be wrong. However, knowledge is a valuable asset. It should be dispensed wisely and in a manner that enhances your personal worth to the firm.

I have found that most senior leaders suffer from severe cases of Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD). They will listen to what people are telling them but frequently do not hear the message. The details of all the things for which they are responsible can become overwhelming. To compensate, they rely on “advisors” - just like the current President but without the teleprompter to do his thinking…

Establishing yourself as the “advisor” to your boss is a valuable but tricky role. It is about keeping your boss informed, but also dependent. You want to be the person that your boss takes to leadership meetings just in case a question is asked for which he or she doesn’t have the answer. Transferring too much of your knowledge to your boss (or your peers/competition) diminishes your value over time. Hold the most valuable information back until it can be spent with the greatest impact. Leadership is always watching for talent. Having the answer when your boss stumbles a little can be a good thing…

Ten Simple Rules On Working For An Idiot... Rule # 2: Keep Your Distance

Idiots tend to self-destruct. They can’t help themselves. When it happens they usually fall fast and far because the people around them are more than willing to let gravity take its natural course. Idiots are generally not nice to people on their way up, so people tend not to be nice to them on their way down (see post below dated March 1, 2010).

Several years ago I reported to the Chief Risk Officer of a large financial services company. He was a very smart man with a PhD in some quantitative discipline. In fact, he thought he was the smartest guy in the company. He operated under the assumption that if he made things appear complicated, he could simply say he accomplished those things, and because those things appeared complicated no one would actually check whether they were accomplished or not. His view was that talk was the same as action – if he held a meeting to discuss something, he believed that was the same as actually doing something. He got away with this nonsense for five years…until someone smarter than him started asking some really simple questions – like, “Can you show me how that actually works?”

The last straw that finally brought this guy down was holding a conference costing several hundred thousand dollars for nearly 200 internal executives, complete with ethnic Russian folk dancers for after-dinner entertainment. I had the pleasure of sitting at the same table with the president of one of our largest divisions. The confused and irritated look on his face was priceless.

This guy probably could have survived his arrogance and antics if he had actually delivered on some of his B.S. Unfortunately for a number of people around him (fortunately not me…) they were deemed guilty by association. Seven out of his ten direct reports were fired with him. They were smart and talented people but their identity and ultimate destiny was inextricably tied to an idiot...

Aligning yourself to a strong visionary leader can be a significant boost to your career. But the vision must be more than just words and the strength must come from the ability to influence actions in a productive and valuable way. If not, keep your distance so that others won't think you are just one of many in the idiot's entourage...

Ten Simple Rules On Working For An Idiot...Rule # 1: Know One When You See One

Webster's online dictionary defines an idiot as follows: "(1) a person affected with extreme mental retardation; (2) a foolish or stupid person." The word itself is a derivative from the Latin word idiota meaning an ignorant person. While the first definition above is a fair description of the current crop of politicians in Washington, it is not my intent to insult or in any way offend people who are truly afflicted with a cognitive handicap.

These rules are really about how to deal with working for a foolish or stupid person - an idiota. Its important to understand that idiots don't have to be both foolish AND stupid. There are many really smart bosses that are just plain foolish... and there are many really stupid bosses that are just plain lucky, or well connected, or kept in place to make someone else look good by comparison.

I have worked for a few idiots myself and have witnessed scores of idiots in management positions - some of them very senior positions. Early in my career I was an international treasury analyst for a Fortune 150 consumer products company. During one memorable presentation to the vice-chairman and treasurer, this guy took his copy of the information I was presenting, wadded it up and literally threw it across the table at me accompanied with a few choice adjectives on the quality of my work. Two days later I took the exact same materials, changed the date, and re-presented it to the same guy and he loved it... He was not stupid, just foolish enough to waste his subordinates' time and company resources to satisfy his sense of self-importance.

I once witnessed a very senior financial executive go on stage in front of over 300 other executives at an off-site management conference and sing Joan Jett's "I Love Rock 'n' Roll" on a dare. It was bad... really bad. Both foolish and stupid. As we have all learned from American Idol, people who can't sing well, shouldn't sing in public. Reputation and credibility are accumulated over time and always remain tenuous. Not only did she tarnish her own reputation, at some level the people who worked for her were guilty by association...

At one point in my career I worked for a manager who literally knew almost nothing about the area he was responsible for. He once sent me an e-mail from his blackberry during a meeting with his boss and in that e-mail he asked me what he should "think" about the issue being discussed in that meeting... This was a guy prone to presenting his subordinates' work as his own, and repeating what another person just said and acting as if it was his own thought. He achieved his position by being well connected but was totally dependent on others for his performance - not a good long term strategy...

If you find yourself working for an idiot its really important to recognize it early. The behavioral traits of your average idiot often present themselves as an inflated sense of self-importance, lack of basic skills/knowledge necessary to perform their job, extremely weak social skills or behavioral governors, and/or a general misunderstanding of what motivates people. The good news is that you can often turn this to your advantage by establishing yourself as the talent behind the idiotic manager. Most senior leaders aren't idiots. They usually recognize the idiots within their ranks, weed them out, and promote the true talent. If they don't - leave quickly...

Words Have Meaning

You hear and read a lot of words over the course of a 30 year career. In a perfect world, most of them would be used in the manner for which they were created. An effective writer/speaker would chose their words wisely, and an effective reader/listener would possess a precise understanding of their meaning. This is not a perfect world...

It continues to amaze me how difficult it is for some people to string together a few words into a coherent sentence, or a few sentences into a coherent paragraph. In my humble opinion, much of the problem stems from people trying to present themselves in a manner more complex and sophisticated than reality allows. They overuse, oversize, and over-think their word choices.

Early in my career I was introduced to the Gunning Fog Index. This index was created by Robert Gunning in 1952 for the purpose of measuring the "readablility" of english writing. The index is calculated as follows:

The result of this index when applied to a written document, indicates the approximate educational grade level that could reasonably be expected to fully understand the message in the document. For example, a result of 8 would mean that an eigth-grader should be able to fully comprehend what he or she was reading. Likewise, a result of 12 indicates a high school senior should have a firm grasp on the meaning.

Did I mention that this index was created in 1952? In today's text messaging world of one-letter words and phonetically engineered alpha-numeric sentences, if your writing is more complex than the eigth-grade level, you are going to lose a high percentage of your audience. To be fair, the speed of business is much faster than it was 58 years ago. People simply don't have the time to read or write anything more complex than a Powerpoint presentation with six bullet points. Keep your words simple and your sentences short... Tell the story but don't let the story get in the way of the message...

When it comes to the spoken word, there is one curious thing I have noticed while spending way too much time with executive leadership: The sophistication of business language is inversely related to the executive level of the person speaking. Generally, the bigger the office, the smaller the words. The average word length in the "C" Suite is four letters. This is especially true of female executives. And especially when it comes to the "F" word. These words should be used sparingly - like exclamation points...

Words have meaning... choose them wisely.

Be Nice To Others On Your Way Up, So They're Nice To You On Your Way Down

If you think your career will follow some predetermined path leading to ever-increasing stature, responsibility, and reward - think again. The path is rarely straight. Far from it. It is more like a maze - filled with blind corners, false shortcuts, and dead ends. You may spend many years stepping from one stone to the next, achieving influence and rewards as you go, only to find that at some point your chosen path has run out of stones. Or maybe the jump to the next stone is simply too far for you... Or maybe someone moved the stones... Or maybe someone keeps putting more stones between you and the stone you want to reach... Or maybe you just don't want to step to that next stone.

At every point along the way your ability to reach that next stone will likely be dependent on others. Everyone needs support on their journey up the ladder. That support comes from a wide range of people - administrative assistants, peers (i.e. your competition), the guard at the front door, vendors, your boss... they all can help you along the way. They can also trip you and generally make your life miserable if they so choose. To a large degree, you are largely responsible for how others treat you.

Your career WILL ebb and flow. You need a posse. A loyal following that enjoys being around you. That WANTS to help you. This is not free. Nor can it be forced. Over the last ten years, five positions, and three employers I have had the pleasure of working with the same four people as leaders on my team. They are very loyal. I trust them and reward them for their loyalty.

You must invest in your posse. Most people don't want to be anonymous. A little attention goes a long way - listen to their stories, laugh at their jokes, relish in their success, and help them when they need a hand. When (not if) you are forced to take a step back in your career, your posse will return the favor.

It has been my experience that if you treat people with respect, make them smile and laugh, and reward them (see post #1), they will likely provide a bridge (or at least a handrail) when that next stone seems too far, is too slippery, or may be behind you. Complements are free. Little things matter.

The best investment I ever made in my career was to bring donuts to the office on Friday - EVERYONE likes me at least one day out of five...